You're late, lost and loveless - normal life or adult ADHD?
Could I have adult ADHD?
Maybe you asked yourself this question the last time you were late for work, procrastinated before starting a project, misplaced your keys or zoned out in a meeting. ADHD is the most common behavioural disorder in the UK with worldwide, around 2 per cent of adults suffering from the disorder.
Do you? You could look at an adult symptoms checklist. Ever zone out, make careless mistakes, have trouble finishing projects, lose things, forget stuff? Ever feel restless, get impatient, blurt things out?
Of course you do! Everyone does - once in a while. How can you tell if it’s really ADHD?
2 crucial signs of adult ADHD
Two key factors help determine whether you have adult ADHD: frequency and the impact on your life.
“If you look at the list of symptoms and check off that you do them rarely or occasionally, you probably don’t have ADHD,” says Russell A. Barkley, Ph.D., clinical professor of psychiatry at the Medical University of South Carolina, and author of Taking Charge of Adult ADHD (Guilford Press), “but if you check ‘often’ or ‘very often’ on most of them, you may.”
Just as important: Do these symptoms affect your daily life? “If you experience consequences from these symptoms in major life activities like work, education, raising your children, managing money or social relationships,” says Barkley, “you may have ADHD.”
The following scenarios can help you figure out what’s normal life and what might signal ADHD. For troublesome symptoms, we’ll suggest ways to cope better and how to get help if you need it.
Scenario 1: you've lost your keys
After misplacing your car keys three times in one month, and your mobile phone twice, you bought a new purse and designated one pocket for keys and the other for your phone.
That was three months ago and you haven’t misplaced them since.
ADHD? Probably not.
Scenario 2: you’ve lost your keys
You’ve misplaced your keys three times this week, making you late for work each time. You had to replace your phone twice this month, an unnecessary expense - and you missed some important work calls because of it.
ADHD? Might be
Lost keys: what's the difference?
In the first scenario, you recognised that you had a tendency to lose these things, came up with a strategy and solved your problem.
In the second scenario, your absentmindedness is affecting your life financially and possibly jeopardising your job security - yet you haven’t addressed it.
Scenario 1: "i'm late, i'm late"
You are late to work, on average, once a month either because of traffic, your child misses the school bus and you need to drive him to school, or you get an important phone call right as you are walking out the door.
ADHD? Probably not.
Scenario 2: “i’m late, i’m late”
You’re late to work three to four days a week because you oversleep, take too long to get dressed, or can’t get out the door on time. Your boss has told you that if you don’t do something about your lack of punctuality, you may lose your job.
ADHD? Might be.
Late, late: what’s the difference?
Once again it’s the impact on your life and the frequency of your symptoms. Everyone is late sometimes, often for reasons that are out of their control. But if you are chronically late and you have a history of problems with attention and organisation, you may need an evaluation for ADHD.
How to cope: “Often people who are chronically late don’t have an accurate sense of how long they need to get ready, so the first thing you should do is time yourself for several days,” says Mary Solanto, Ph.D., associate professor of psychiatry and director of the ADHD Center in the Department of Psychiatry at Mt. Sinai School of Medicine.
“How long does it really take you to get up in the morning? How long is it from the moment you get up until you can walk out the door with all of the stuff you need for the day? How long does it take you to drive to work? Once you have a realistic picture of how much time you need for each of your major daily activities, you can better structure your day to allow enough time for the things you need to do.”
Scenario 1: road rant
You’re driving down a crowded highway. Suddenly, a speeding car passes you, jumps into your lane, missing your car by a couple inches, and continues weaving in and out of lanes at top speed.
You yell to nobody else in your car, “You stupid idiot!” and your heart races for a moment as you think about what might have happened. By the time you get to your destination, you have forgotten about the incident.
ADHD? Probably not.
Scenario 2: road rage
You’re driving down a crowded highway. Suddenly, a speeding car passes you, jumps into your lane, missing your car by a couple inches.
You immediately smash your gas pedal to catch up to the speeding car, honking your horn, and flashing your lights until a police officer pulls you over and gives you a speeding ticket. You feel angry and think about the incident for hours afterward.
ADHD? Might be.
Road rage, road rant: what’s the difference?
It boils down to emotional impulsiveness. “People who have ADHD tend to react more quickly and more dramatically, especially when it comes to strong emotions like anger, impatience and frustration, than people who don’t have ADHD,” says Barkley.
“Most people, when cut up on the motorway, might say, ‘What a jerk,’ and get over it in five seconds or so. People with ADHD are more likely to use their car to react aggressively, and they’re seething. It takes them longer to regain control of their emotions after the event.”
Scenario 1: the interrupter
In a meeting at work, you interrupt someone to add to her point, then apologide for interrupting and listen as she finishes her thought.
ADHD? Probably not.
Scenario 2: the interrupter
It seems that at every meeting you attend, one or more co-workers try to put you in your place, asking you to stop interrupting and saying you’re not letting them finish, which upsets you to the point that you can’t focus on what’s being said at the meeting.
ADHD? Might be.
The interrupter: what's the difference?
It’s all about self-awareness.
In the first isolated incident, you realised your mistake, apologised and were able to pay attention the rest of the meeting. In the second scenario, you are repeatedly told by co-workers to stop interrupting, and you see their comments as their problem, not yours. Your embarrassment affects your ability to concentrate.
“If people are telling you repeatedly that you should wait or listen first, or that you’re overriding other people who are trying to talk, and you have difficulty adhering to those suggestions, that could be a symptom of ADHD,” says Dr. Solanto.
How to cope: “Some people with ADHD can help themselves by getting in the habit of silently asking themselves two questions before they interrupt someone: ‘Is it my turn to talk?’ and, ‘Is what I want to say really relevant to the discussion?’ It’s about self-monitoring,” says Solanto.
Scenario 1: “I’ll get to it eventually”
You have to do a large, boring research project for work or school that is due in a month. You stew on it and worry for a few days. Then you write yourself a schedule, break down the big project into smaller pieces and work on it a little each day until you are finished.ADHD? Probably not.Scenario 2: “I’ll get to it eventually”
You have to do a large, boring research project for work or school, but you’re not ready to start it yet, and you have plenty of time. You talk about it a lot, feeling like it’s hanging over your head, but don’t really get going on it until a few days before it is due.So you stay up late and barely make the deadline. You don’t have a chance to proofread everything before you hand it in.ADHD? Might be“I’ll get to it eventually”: what’s the difference?
In the second scenario, your procrastination is probably not only stressing you, but also affecting the quality of your work. “All of us may put off starting a boring project for a few days, but people who have ADHD tend to put things off until the last minute,” says Barkley.
“They have a difficult time starting on projects and sustaining their efforts long-term, particularly if there aren’t any immediate rewards or consequences.”
How to cope: Breaking down a project into small, manageable pieces and rewarding yourself with little treats as you complete those small pieces, may help to motivate you.
Scenario 1: paper pile-ups
For the first time in months, you missed paying a bill on time because your post piled up while you were working unusually hard. You go through the post, clear off your desk, and pay the bill – and the late fee.
ADHD? Probably not.
Scenario 2: paper pile-ups
Your desk is a mountain of paper, and you can’t seem to find anything when you need it. You missed paying bills a few months in a row and have had to call the phone, cable or power company to restore your service.You haven’t paid your taxes on time in five years because you can never put the paperwork together to get your return out on time.ADHD? Might be.Paper pile-ups: what’s the difference?
It’s the size of the pile. Everyone’s desk can get messy, particularly if you’re immersed in finishing a big project, and most people pay a bill or two late sometimes. However, in someone who has ADHD, disorganisation and the inability to handle paper well can be a chronic problem that affects their lives.
“Some people who have ADHD find dealing with mail so overwhelming that they don’t even open it,” says Solanto. “As the stacks grow, the more overwhelmed they feel and the more likely they are, paradoxically, to avoid addressing the problem. When tax time comes and they have to go through stacks of mail to find important tax documents, they have a huge problem. Being repeatedly late to file taxes is very common among people with ADHD, and even if they have the money, they may incur penalties or get the lights turned off because paying bills is so effortful and aversive.”
How to cope: Developing a filing system to sort through your mail each day can help, as can setting up automatic bill payments with your bank. If you just can’t manage your mail and bill paying, consider hiring an assistant, bookkeeper or accountant to help you.
Scenario 1: love’s labour’s lost
Looking back over your history of romantic ties, you have had a few long-term relationships but just haven’t found Mr. (or Ms.) Right. Usually your splits are because you just didn’t click romantically, but you tend to part as friends.
ADHD? Probably not.
Scenario 2: love’s labour’s lost
Looking back over your history of romantic ties, you have had five or six relationships that ended pretty much the same way: You have an argument, you say things that you later realise are hurtful and you regret them - but usually not until days later. By then, your significant other has ended the relationship.
ADHD? Might be.
Love’s labour’s lost : what’s the difference?
You talk before you think. “In our research looking at which symptoms of ADHD were most important in personal relationships, we found people can forgive you your distractibility,” says Barkley.
“They can forgive that you’re a little more active than other people. They can forgive that maybe you just aren’t motivated to finish things. But if you blow up at people or say cutting things to other people out of impatience and anger, that’s what’s going to hurt you. Anger, hostility, frustration, impatience, being easily annoyed - those are the emotions that cost you your relationships, and people with ADHD experience these more than people who don’t have ADHD."
“Someone who doesn’t have ADHD might apologise immediately. Something slipped out, you realise it was inappropriate and within a matter of a minutes you say, ‘I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me. I’m just having a really bad day.’ You try to repair the relationship instantaneously. People with ADHD maintain that anger longer, and it can cost them. The first thing their partners do is withdraw when there’s any sign of anger or hostility. That’s a normal human reaction, and if you have to live with that every day, it doesn’t take long before you decide to withdraw from the relationship entirely: ‘Who needs this?’”
So, you think you might have ADHD?
If Scenario 2 describes you better than Scenario 1 most of the time, you may want to be evaluated for ADHD. Talk to your GP to see if you can get a referral to an expert in adult ADHD in your area. Your GP may refer you to a specialist such as, an adult psychiatrist who can make an accurate diagnosis after a detailed assessment.
For the majority of adults with ADHD, medication can help. Research, including studies by Solanto, also shows that making small changes to improve your daily organization and time management and other simple strategies help many people with adult ADHD function better at work and at home.
Next Up: 10 steps to a healthier working day
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