Kelly is a mother, runner, writer, designer and serial entrepreneur. She is also a reformed over-committer and believes that a busy life need not be a stressful life. She blogs about all this and more at A Life Less Frantic.
The Secret we Should not Have to Keep
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There are very strict rules around announcing a pregnancy. While you might choose to share your news with close family members early on, everyone knows that you don’t tell the world till after that vital 12 week scan. Why? Well it’s because so much can happen in the first 12 weeks you know. And god knows you don’t want to have to tell people you’ve had a miscarriage.
I am not sure where this progression sprang from when it comes to sharing pregnancy news but an unfortunate side effect of it is that when miscarriage does happen, we all speak about it in hushed tones (if we speak about it all). And unwittingly, we start to create a culture of shame around the topic.
Miscarriage is a hard thing for a woman to experience – I know this because I have had four. Despite knowing that 20% of all pregnancies naturally end in miscarriage for no good reason, you can’t help but look for blame in yourself. Was it that drink you had before you knew you were pregnant? Was it the antibiotics you took for your sinuses. Should you have stopped running? Were you too stressed out?
This is where the hush hush mentality around miscarriage start to become damaging – so many women are sitting there by themselves tossing these unhelpful thoughts around their head. The subtle culture of shame we have built up around miscarriage means in this very real time of need, women aren’t doing what they do best - supporting each other.
I know there are women out there who want to talk about it but have no one to talk to. I know this because whenever I have been open about losing a baby on my blog people have thanked for me talking about it. I know because recently a friend specifically sought me out after she lost a baby because I was the only person she knew who was ever open about it.
So what’s the solution? Should we all start telling the world we’re pregnant the second we miss our period? And then be prepared to shout out about it when things don’t go right?
As with anything, I think you do what is best for you.
If you’d prefer to keep a lid on your pregnancy things till you’ve reached a certain point, then by all means do so. But if you want to share the news with everyone you know – then feel free to do so too. And if the unthinkable happens and you do suffer a miscarriage, please talk about it. Because once you do start to talk you will be stunned to find out how many people you know have been through the same. And that extra support you receive might be just the right mix to soothe your soul during a difficult time.
