Kelly is a mother, runner, writer, designer and serial entrepreneur. She is also a reformed over-committer and believes that a busy life need not be a stressful life. She blogs about all this and more at A Life Less Frantic.
When a lifetime of anxiety isn't such a bad thing
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My first child has just turned three which means in the last few months I’ve been having a lot of awkward conversations with people who don’t know me that well. Conversations that go something like this:
Acquaintance: So how old is your little boy?
Me: He’s nearly three
Acq: Oh, so you must be ready to try for another?
Me: Well actually we’ve had four miscarriages since having J so I have taken a little break from baby making for a while. But we’re going to try again in the middle of the year.
Acq: {Awkward pause} Oh, I am really sorry about that.
And that my friends is the long way of getting to the point of this post which is that hubby and I are now trying again for baby number two. Or as I have told my husband ‘one last shot at the title’ (no pressure).
Once you’ve had a miscarriage it brings a new level of anxiety to every future pregnancy. Every little period like pain and every little bit of wetness ‘down there’ has you running to the toilet looking for evidence that it’s over. Every scan and every blood test sends your heart rate soaring and gives you a lovely clenching feeling in your chest.
In a recent conversation with a friend about our impending ‘one last shot at the title’ I mentioned that, given my history, I fully expect my anxiety levels to shoot off the chart once I got pregnant. And god forbid the pregnancy sticks – because that would involve nine months of anxiety!
That’s when my husband delivered probably the most insightful observation he’s ever made: “Kel, what are you talking about? You’ve been anxious your whole life!”
Well I just started at him in amazement. By god he was right. Here I was, getting anxious about being anxious, when I am actually beautifully equipped for the worries and stresses of a future pregnancy. When you have been anxious for 35 years, what is nine months? It is nothing!
And just like that my whole brain relaxed.
I don’t know what’s going to happen with this next pregnancy, but what I do know is that my mind has been in training for it for my entire life. Bring it on.
Are you anxious? How do you deal with it?
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