The real reason parents talk to themselves

There was a new mother at swimming lesson this morning. Her son was probably around six months, maybe a little older, he had a few teeth, could sit well on the wall for ‘Humpty Dumpty’ and all in all was a pretty happy little fellow.

The mother looked tired. It kind of goes with the territory I guess. I’m sure I look tired 99.9% of the time. I certainly feel it.

And then the baby started getting cranky. Swimming lessons will do that. The mother, jiggled him through the next exercise and remarked, very loudly

“Oh you’re tired are you? Well you should have slept last night! You wouldn’t feel so tired if you actually slept at night!”

All the other mothers in the class smiled sympathetically. We’ve all been there.  The thing is though she wasn’t really talking to the baby at all. She was taking through the baby. She was communicating to anyone else in earshot, using her child as a way to voice her frustration.

I’ve done it myself.

“If you would stop running off at every opportunity I would let you walk instead of strapping you into the buggy”

It was my way of explaining myself to passers by who looked over when she protested. Now that I look back I wonder if any of those passers by were really that interested in whether I let her walk round the shopping centre or not. When people looked over I just assumed they thought I was a terrible mother.

In the early days of parenthood, my husband and I had entire conversations through our newborn baby.

“Well, If Daddy had got up to see you in the night then he would be feeling tired this morning too…”

It’s a somewhat passive aggressive tact, and possibly a little confusing for the poor baby stuck in the middle. I’m fairly confident that this practice is wide spread amongst new parents, tired and overwhelmed it’s away of breaking the ice, of saying what you’re thinking without picking a fight.

As my children have grown older I’ve grown wiser. I no longer feel the need to explain myself to the people who pass me by. And If I want to communicate my feelings to my husband I do so directly and not though the medium of cute and cuddly baby.

Unless of course… “Mummy really needs a cup of tea”