The Most Practical (and Realistic) Parenting Advice you will Ever Read

You aren't the first to give in to a tantrum

Considering that around 70 per cent of kids have tantrums, it's understandable that parents under pressure often react by giving the child what he wants. Yes, we know we're sending the message that throwing a wobbler reaps rewards.

We also know that what we should really do is ignore the tantrum and quickly whisk the furious child away from temptation. But guess what - no one's perfect. Opting for what feels like the best option in the heat of the moment if often the best we can do.  

Losing the plot in the car. It's normal

The most mild-mannered of us can succumb to road rage. While it's a natural response to stress (which causes our respiratory and heart rates to quicken), try to adopt strategies to keep yourself calm at the wheel.

Deep breathing from the diaphragm really helps, and playing soothing music can help too. But if you scream inside the car - it's okay, just keep safe.

Missing your child's performance 

While you'd love to share your child's big moment, modern life is hectic and sometimes it's just not possible. If you can accept this, and move on from it instead of lamenting about how bad you feel, your child is far more likely to come to terms with it too.

'When I feel terrible about missing a school play or concert, I try to keep into proportion by reminding myself of the dozens events I have been to,' says iVillager Helen, 39. 'Of course, Esther [aged seven] likes to remind me, "You didn't come, Mummy!" But I'll point out that her dad or gran was there, and on that occasion it just couldn't be helped. Then I quickly change the subject...'

You don't have to do homework

Your job isn't to do the homework for your child. Just talking about the tasks they've been allocated shows you're interested, and providing a quiet place for him to complete it (with the TV off) sends the message that you believe it's important.

You don't need to do school work again. You've probably already done it.

Sometimes feeling hurried and harassed is part of being a parent

While it might not be how we imagined parenthood to be, all of us feel rushed and resentful at certain points in the day. Motherhood can feel like a thankless task when you've done three loads of laundry and cleaned the kitchen surfaces a gadzillion times. Even Kate Beckinsale, mother to Lily, admits, 'I do sometimes feel like that Exorcist lady.'

Don't feel ashamed if daily life rarely runs smoothly, with all tempers intact. The odd flare-up is horribly normal - and the best we can do is apologise afterwards and not beat ourselves up.

You may not be Donna Hay. That's okay

Ah... the great parenting bake-off. For some reason, producing a child is expected to trigger some previously dormant cake-making gene, and attending your first few coffee mornings, with eerily professional cupcakes and brownies on offer, is enough to make the non-baker feel unworthy.

Instead, play to your strengths and remind yourself of the numerous things you can do brilliantly. So what if bicarbonate of soda isn't your friend? If you're hosting a play group , hold your head high and buy your cakes - it's what shops are for, after all.

Get the kids to bed as early as practical

You might feel a stab of shame because you don't want your little ones around late into the evening. IT'S NORMAL. And if you feel bad about it remember that a regular bedtime - at a reasonably early hour - helps children to grow up into confident people with enough energy to see them through their busy days.

You also need to recharge - and those precious few child-free hours in the evening can make all the difference to you.

Yelling and swearing may not be ideal but it's not a crime

While few of us have the self control to never raise our voices, swearing is something we feel particularly ashamed of.

'We had a particularly tense drive as we set off on holiday, and by the time we pulled in at the airport, the kids had learned a new phrase - "'ucking 'ell",' says iVillager Sophie, 41, who has children of two and four.

Children will mimic their parents, and swear words always sound so much worse when spouting from little mouths. It's worth training yourself to utter alternative expletives - but remind yourself that they'll probably hear far worse at school...

Some days you will lose it over something petty

With the publication of French Children Don't Throw Food by Pamela Druckerman (Doubleday), strict parenting appears to be back in vogue. Yet three out of ten parents admit to being a 'pushover', according to a recent survey.

With so many conflicting parenting styles and advice on offer, it's virtually impossible to be consistent, and occasionally you may feel you've overreacted to a minor matter. If you feel ashamed, apologise and explain why you reacted in the way you did.

No one's perfect, and it's good for children to realise that adults make mistakes sometimes, and are big enough to say sorry. Don'e lose sleep over it.

You can argue, even within earshot of the kids

Although it's what you want your children to hear, the odd blow-up is bound to happen. In fact, children learn a great deal about relating to others from how their parents behave - and discovering that people make up (and still love each other) after a spat is a valuable lesson to learn.

As Rachel Weisz, mum to Henry, puts it, flaring up in anger 'doesn't make us less good or less human - just real.'

Badly dressed kids don't make unhappy kids

We all know the mother whose children are always beautifully turned out - but what is she sacrificing to maintain such impeccable standards? If you feel ashamed that your child lags behind in the style stakes remind yourself that it's having fun that matters to your child, not being the best-dressed kid on the block.