12 (laugh out loud) rules for dressing your age
My young and trendy colleague, Sarah, came to work the other day in a gorgeous new dress. I didn’t see it. I only heard about it. (Working part-time means I miss all the excitement). It is already the stuff of office legend though. Apparently it was mustard-coloured with groovy patterns on it, a little blue tie.... and a Peter Pan collar.
The dress previously belonged to Sarah’s older sister, but she gave Sarah the dress because - according to Sarah's sister (who is 31) - ‘you can’t wear a Peter Pan collar after you turn thirty’.
This got us thinking in the office. Are there rules about this sort of thing? Should there be? As one of the ‘senior’ people on our team, I was given the task of setting the rules when it comes to fashion at certain ages...
Let’s start with the women.
Rule # 1: Scrunchies in the hair. No longer appropriate after age 12, unless you are in a netball team, in which case you may wear scrunchies in team colours until you are 15. Max.
Rule # 2: One-shoulder dresses. Do you work out a lot? If you have amazing arms... then maybe 45. Otherwise, 35.
Rule # 3: Fluro. It’s all the rage this season. I’m going to buy something in 'neon' and wear it until I am forty. This doesn’t mean 40 is the right upper limit. Might be in a bit of denial on this one...
Rule # 4: Skirts and dresses with thigh-high splits. 35. Unless you’re Elle Macpherson.
Rule # 5: Pigtails and plaits. Super cute... until you’re 26.
Rule # 6: String bikinis: Are you Sarah Murdoch? No, I didn’t think so. 25.
Rule # 7: Boob tubes: This is very figure-driven. Consensus seems to be ‘OKBC’ (okay before children).
Rule # 8: Gold sequined shift dress: Looked fantastic at my Year 10 formal... Some jealous girls said I looked a bit like a disco ball though. That hurt my feelings a bit. I stand by it though. 16.
Rule # 9: Daisy dukes: (those very short denim shorts.. the ones where you can see the pockets hanging out the bottom). 23.. and even then.. Really?
Rule # 10: Figure-hugging, imagination-denying, super tight dresses. If you’ve got it, flaunt it... But most people have only got it until about 39. Because I am 38.
Rule # 11: Shoe string straps. Again, probably OKBC. You know why. When the bra straps gets thicker, the dress straps really needs to get on board.
Rule # 12: Roller skates.. the white ones with red wheels and a big red stopper on the toe? Got some last Christmas. Wore them once but forgot to wear the long rainbow socks with them.. very bad blisters. So, 37.
And the men? I don't have as many rules for men, probably because their fashion is so much safer in the first place, but I did come up with a few:
Rule # 1: Subversive t-shirts. You want to make a statement, I know... But you haven’t been to a protest since 1986. Admit it. How old were you in 1986? Enough said.
Rule # 2: Skater shoes. I don’t even know what these are called, which is as it should be. Stop pretending to be cool. 36.
Rule # 3: Pony tails. Fellas, this really depends on whether or not you have a receding hairline. While you have hair, ponytails are gorgeous. Once you have a receding hairline (or you are 50), it’s time to say goodbye.
Rule # 4: Stubbies. If you’re a tradie, go for it.. Otherwise, please put those away when you turn 45.
Rule # 5: Waistcoats with cute cartoon characters underneath your formal jacket? (say it with me ladies...) NEVER!
(Disclaimer: You're gorgeous. You know it. Rules are made to be broken!)
Emma Crowe works as a Radio Producer at 702 ABC Sydney two days a week. The rest of the week, she can be found driving a people mover around Sydney's Northern Beaches. This was originally published on the 702 blog here and was republished with full permission. If you missed the conversation on 702 you can catch the highlights here: Download the audio file
Have you got any rules you would like to add?
